I can tell you I wasn’t being a good ally. I was sitting in my comfort, in my privilege, when I turned on the news to see burning vehicles. To see bats being swung and other objects being hurled into windows. Glass raining everywhere. People running into a store to rip everything off the walls, throwing it all to the ground, and lighting it on fire.

I started crying. Admittedly, this was because I was upset to see the city being destroyed. On a daily basis, my heart is wrenched by watching Seattle change and in some ways, degrade. In the time of COVID-19, I worry all the time about it surviving.

But then I removed my own self-interest.

If I’m upset about this, how would I feel if on a daily basis I was worried about MYSELF surviving? How would I feel if my family members were being falsely arrested, convicted, and senselessly murdered? How would it feel to know if I had children, that I would have to teach them how to protect themselves from those who are supposed to be serving and protecting them? How would I feel if I knew just living my life in skin of a different color would make others feel uncomfortable? Ready to call the police or attack me if I so much as move in a way they don’t like?

I’d be Sad. Hurt. Fed up. Angry.

The local news stations continued to focus on rioting and looting and my tears and anger grew because I know there’s a story not being told. The images on the screen are distracting from the message and the purpose. People DID protest peacefully. Where is that story? I also heard about moments of negative, unprovoked police response to peaceful protest. I didn’t see that, either. At least I didn’t see it by means of local media in Seattle. We’re seeing it in cell phone videos by citizens. We’re seeing black women being shoved and thrown to the ground for speaking their piece. Crowds being run into by police cars. Protesters not demonstrating any violence being tear gassed, including children. Violence by anyone aside, there are thoughtful and powerful speeches, moments of silence and banding together not being seen. Words that need to be heard and plans of action that we need to take aren’t reaching the rest of us. The rioters, a lot not even there for BLM protests, are getting all the attention. Not only is our justice system as a whole failing blacks, so is our media. I may not be professional press, but I can tell you one thing I learned earning my degree in communications: journalists have a duty to report truth and accuracy, fairness and impartiality, and to present all sides of a situation to the best of their ability. Even this morning, I would hear a half sentence about how things “started off peacefully” before being hurled into images and airtime dedicated to the aftermath. The leaders that organize and mobilize these protests are being asked by media to give their thoughts on the riots, not on the endless police brutality and oppression they’re fighting to be freed from.

I don’t know the real struggle because it’s not mine. It never has been and it never will be. But I can be a better ally than I was yesterday. I can seek ALL sides of this. I can listen to those who ARE struggling very carefully and be open to more education. I can know that I don’t want the lasting images of this movement to be the shock value of destruction, putting the black community in danger yet again, by being framed for the chaos that we’re force-fed by the news. I can commit to sharing what needs to be seen most if the media won’t. We all can.

This morning, droves of community members are cleaning up Seattle. I am thankful for that; because for everything I don’t know, I’m pretty sure destroying the city isn’t the answer. Like Killer Mike reiterated in this speech, burning down our own home isn’t the way. But at the end of the day, buildings can be cleaned up and repaired. Things can be replaced. The lives of black men, women, and children, can’t be. They need to be heard. They need to be seen. They need to survive.